I used to be the type of girl who liked to talk behind my friends back, trying to put other girls down as if we are in a competition, and often feel bad about my physical look and comparing myself to other girls.
That was why I used to be so bad at making new friends and why I fight with my girl friends a lot through out my elementary years. Which was not a pleasant experience at all.
But I learned that the reason why I used to be full of hate was because, I am not happy with myself. I’m not satisfy with my life. And then I started to get jealous with what my friends have and I will try to find a bad point about them and judge them. Everything I did back then was because I want them to feel bad about themselves too.
For example, I used to want a phone so bad, but my parents won’t let me, and almost all of my friends have it. Or when my friends had a lot of boys who had crushes on her and I was like, all alone.
As I grew up, started to read and write a lot, I also learned so many things. The first thing I had to do is to always love and accept myself. Romanticize self love. It’s important. I should stop being insecure with my own being.
And I changed a lot. Right now I am a 14 years old, but I’m happier than ever. I started to love myself, accepting who I am, and be grateful for what I have. The first times will never be easy, but as you go, you will find yourself as a happier human.
I don’t get jealous over other people’s relationships anymore, because I know what I want and what I need. I don’t get jealous over what my friends have anymore, because I am already grateful with what I have.
I stopped talking about my friends behind their backs now, and tried to be more honest to people. I learned to accept my friends for who they are and understand that not everyone is going to be like me. People are different and that is cool.
I forgive people who used to hate me. I learned that people makes mistakes too, and maybe once in a while what they’re saying are sometimes true. I started to become nice to them, no matter if they are nice to me back or not.
I embrace my flaws and also try to change it.
I’ve been struggling with body image since I was a kid because I was this one chubby girl and my friends were all skinny and such. Since last April, I started working out more often and until now I have drop down 5 kilograms of my weight. It was still a long journey, but I am way more confident in my own skin now.
It’s a short post and I write it so fast so I’m sorry if I didn’t make any sense but yes, I feel like I should write this down and let people now. Love love love yourself. Too often people mistaken self love as narcissisim.
Self love is imporant.