Today I was doing my assignment while blasting all the songs from my Spotify account. I put it randomly just because I didn’t feel like listening to certain songs. Lately, the global chart had been filled with all these electro-pop songs, and as much as I enjoy it, there were times when I just want to blast other songs too.
While doing it, I started to realize one thing.
Almost all of the songs in my Songs list on Spotify means something to me. Almost all of the songs have a memory behind it. Those songs always took me back to certain places, certain times, with certain people.
I was the type of a girl who wrote letter to people that I loved without ever giving it to them, the type who made playlists about every important times of my life, and writing random thoughts about every sequence of events that happened. It was just how satisfying I am at keeping my best, and worst, memories. Or probably weird, I don’t know.
Imagination by Shawn Mendes somehow always remind me of this one guy that I once liked, and things that happened were exactly just the lyrics of the songs. Beauty Sings by Tatiana Manaois always remind me of Thomas Brodie-Sangster because I once found a vine edit of him with that song played in the background.
Remedy – Adele always remind me of my 13 hours flight from Kuala Lumpur to Bergen because for some reason I actually played that song over and over again through the whole flight. Ekspektasi by Kunto Aji will always remind me of my friend who recommend that song to me when I was feeling the same way as the lyrics of the song.
Somehow I always managed to relate that memories with the same lyrics. Thats why I really like to recommend songs to people, especially if I know what they’re feeling at that time.
There were also some songs that I couldn’t bear to listen, even until today, because the memories behind it were just not something I am ready to reminisce yet. Or because I am trying to forget that memory.
It was the same to places. Some places will always means more than the other, simply because I shared something with someone on that place. A hallway, a museum, a parking lot.
Maybe that was the perk of being someone like me. You kept your memories in songs, travel spots, places. You never can go back to those places without feeling the old memories in the back of your mind.
My mom once told me that my name, Adeline, was inspired by the song Ballade pour Adeline by Richard Clayderman. She said, that even though the song had no lyrics at all, the beat and the way Clayderman’s played it, which was hard and slow here and there, was the symbol that my life will have ups and downs, good times and bad times, and all of it will only form a beautiful song, which symbolize a beautiful life.
What I learn is, somewhere, at some point in the future, when I happened to listen to a song that mean something to me, maybe randomly when I’m walking pass a clothing store, or maybe when I am shuffling my playlists, I will realize the true meaning behind that memory for me.
Maybe I got heartbroken because I deserve someone better.
Maybe I fell out of loneliness, not because of love.
Maybe I lose some people in my life to gain better ones.
And just maybe, just maybe, because all I did was trying to be happy.
p.s: Dirgahayu Republik Indonesia yang ke 71! Merdeka!