Hello, fams. What is up?
I’ve been thinking about writing a lot of things this past week but it was either I didn’t know how to write it down and arrange it in English, or it was just a sensitive topic and I don’t want to trigger any ‘cyberwars’ here.
But anyway, I finally convince myself that somehow I need to get it out from my head or else I am going to go crazy. I’ve wrote the points in my journal so lets just go through it.
The first one was hate and emotion. I felt way too much sometimes, or not at all. I can be sad, aching for someone I am not even close with, or become a heartless person who seems like I don’t give a fvck about the problems people are going through in life.
I can literally ignore someone who once hurt me, and then regret it later, but will not hesitate to do the same thing the next day. Or I can stumble across and instagram post about someone going through a very hard phase of their life, and tear myself up in public.
I’ve been very aware about Ahok, the Jakarta’s governor, right now, because he was the main topic in almost every headlines and conversations. I didn’t really understand the problems and the theories related to it, but seeing someone being hated by that much people makes me feel so sad. No one deserve that much hate in their life. Like literally how can some people do it to the others? Didn’t they learn about peace and tolerance back in school? Where does humanity go?
But at the same time I am this rude person who is sometimes very hard to someone who once did something wrong. It’s like I have this rage inside me and I am going to just burst it out to everyone who tried to get in my way. Its like once someone hurt me, its hard for me to open myself all over again to them.
That doesn’t mean I am a closed person, I am actually a very open person, but I only open myself to selective people only. I stopped holding doors open for those who only comes and goes without saying anything.
I used to think that I am just being a hypocrite biatch but then I guess we all went through the same thing, don’t we? We convince ourselves that certain things are bad, but then we actually do it too.
Remember that one time we keep telling our friends to let go of toxic people, and when we got mad when they didn’t because they were in love? We actually will do the same, right? And that was also why we should stop hating on each other.
Because at the end of the day all of us only wants to be happy, right? We only do it differently in different times. And when all of us finally realize that we are actually the same, maybe then people will stop thinking as if this life is about constant competition with others. Instead, we push each other for the better every single day.
I really wish I can finally be able to have that kind of positive friendship in my life. And I hope over time I can learn more things and be more nice to others. I hope I finally realize that unfortunately hate and wars will not stop hate.
Only tolerance and humanity will do.
Still learning in baby steps,